Loneliness is Underrated

“People don’t realize this but loneliness, it’s underrated.” No, I didn’t write it. Yes, it’s from a movie. Doesn’t make it less true.

It’s no secret that I absolutely adore (500) Days of Summer. As a film, it transcends generations through its boldfaced honesty and reaches to the hopeless romantic in each of us. Tom, the hopeful hero of the story, is a character who we all can relate to. Just like him, we’re eventually drawn to the idea of true love at some point in our lives. But that’s through no fault of our own. We’d see it in movies, hear it play on the radio, and read about it in books. We’re exposed to it at such a young age that it becomes more of a goal than our own dreams, which is pretty much what happened to Tom. He’s the only enduring human trait throughout the story, even when the film accentuates those wondrous moments when he’s side by side with the girl of his dreams, then exaggerates his misery when he’s all alone. And isn’t that how it always is when we’re in love? We believe in it so blindly that we feel we need each other in order to be truly happy. It’s only when Tom climbs out of the depths of his own sorrow that he learns to be happy for himself and to embrace his life because of it. That to me is the true message of the film. So, through the context of (500) Days of Summer, I’m going to show you that being single doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. In fact, it may be the best thing that ever happened to you.

In Tom’s eyes, Summer Finn is the perfect girl. He doesn’t realize the complexity of her character and chooses to ignore it despite the complicated nature of their relationship. In the end, he faces heartbreak. But he’s still very much fixated on her because he believes she is the one. And in the falling action, both Tom and Summer see a complete reversal in their roles. Summer finds the man of her dreams while Tom ends up by himself. It’s not until their final scene together when we see Summer for who she really is. Indeed she’s perfect, but she’s just a phase. The fact that they stumbled upon each other at this time in their lives is purely coincidental. Their relationship may not have been the best idea, but it was a journey they both needed to take. For Summer it was a pathway to happiness in life. For Tom, however, it was a way for him to find happiness in himself, not in the big blue eyes of the girl in the copy room.

This is a film we all need to see from time to time. It reminds us that the agony and heartache we endure are all a part of life. No doubt we often over-exaggerate the pain, mainly because it feels real when we’re in it. Then, we realize it wasn’t so bad after all once we emerge from the darkness triumphant. Moping around in your room, wandering through the darkened city, or brooding in an empty theater, all of it seems sadly funny in a way. And it’s true. The things we do when we’re heartbroken are so immature. But we have every right to be that way. Whether she-devil came in and tore you to pieces, or your man-boy stomped your heart with an estrogen-filled rage, doesn’t matter. We’re all human, capable of emotion and the capacity to feel. So when we’re stripped down and vulnerable, we’re essentially kids again, desperate for a hug and a companion. Fortunately for you, I’ve had someone take a dump on my chest (not literally, c’mon!) and while the pain doesn’t get any easier, somewhere along the way it does get better. It just takes time.

A little more than a year ago, I created this blog in spite of my ex. It had been months after our break-up, yet I refused to let go. I couldn’t find it in myself to forgive her for the things she had done. With no one to turn to, I confided in my writing. It seemed like a good idea to turn her into literature, except I was much too angry and therefore, way too biased. I ended up casting her in a negative light, which is something that writers must never do. Yes, it’s the golden rule to be truthful, but never prejudiced because you risk losing credibility. Of course, the sad little boy who lost his soul-mate wouldn’t listen to reason. So I kept writing. Weak, pathetic, immature, I know. But what I didn’t know at the time was that she was just another phase. I viewed her as the one for so long that my own happiness depended on her. And as much as I didn’t want to break-up, it was something that had to happen. I needed to live for me, not for a girl I had met in high school. Now, well over 500 days after our relationship ended, I’m proud to say that I’m single and I’m happy. All it took was a pen, a journal, and a clear conscience to get me here.

So, what does it mean to be single? Does it mean that you’re all alone with no one to love you? Thankfully, the answer to that riddle is no. It’s a frail cliché with no truth to it. Loneliness does not have to equal sadness. You can be happy again. The only challenge is learning to find it in yourself. I found mine through writing. The craft brought me back to reality. Yours, however, is something you’ll have to discover on your own. It’s gonna be a long and arduous journey, but trust me, the revelations you’ll come to at the end is well worth the adventure. Besides, what would life be if you could just skip to the end? Enjoy life as it happens. More importantly, learn to enjoy it on your own.

233 thoughts on “Loneliness is Underrated

      • Ciggie Cramond says:

        Errrm… I DO! Being Single is FABULOUS, but we’re not the kind of animal that was built to STAY single (and come to think of it, I can’t think of a single animal that was…) After a good, solid, and yes, ENJOYABLE time of being Single -it’s time to get back in the Game again. I’ve loved being Single, been there and done it -and am just about DONE, now. Which kind of sucks, because I’m TERRIFIED, but is also kind of great, because I can’t wait to see the next monster I end up with 🙂

  1. eliseinvincible says:

    I’ve recently had my heart stomped on, as you put it. I fight tears everyday and feel pretty much pathetic while my ex is perfectly happy and content with his actions. I don’t like being the one who’s miserable. Thanks for your lovely post ❤

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I’m very sorry to hear. It sucks, it really does. But things will get better eventually, I promise. Thank you for reading this. It’s good to know that I’m doing something right with this blog =)

    • pinkeleeclad says:

      Hello Elise,
      You should never base your happiness or success on that of another man/woman’s. I heard that I while ago and found it really helpful in my life. Just because your ex maybe smiling and seeming happy, that doesn’t mean that they really are. Try to really focus on getting yourself up and pursuing your own happiness.

  2. Ria Gandhi says:

    You know I am going through a similar phase. I was completely down and out and couldn’t handle all the “pain” of the break up. But my friend told me that pain is good, you need it. It heals you. He said without pain, wouldn’t be able to discover yourself. Which I see today, is very very true. Had it not been for that pain, I wouldn’t have evolved into a wonderful human being. It sensitized me to others and my own suffering and emotions. And like you said, each day, I discover more about myself through various means like writing, dancing and interaction with amazing people like you 🙂
    Thank you for sharing this piece with us! 😀

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I’m glad that my writing was able to reach you. It was comforting for me knowing that I wasn’t alone and neither are you. Remember that. I can’t thank you enough for reading this post =)

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Well said. Glad to know that there are others who are happy being on their own. Most people are quick to assume that being single is just pure misery. If only they knew how liberating it could be. Plus it gives us a much needed outlook on relationships. Thanks for reading!

  3. Uma says:

    That is very well written! It really doesn’t matter if you are single or with a partner, happiness is something you have to work on everyday..

  4. heathersbee says:

    You couldn’t have summed up this movie any better. Watching it was actually an eye opening experience for me. Sadly enough, I watched it with my first boyfriend, and everything Summer said put how I was feeling about our relationship in to words. But, it made me feel more human. I thought I was the only person in the world who ever felt like Summer was, but clearly I wasn’t alone. It also showed me, like it showed you, that one doesn’t need a relationship to be happy. I view love so much differently now.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Yup, we don’t need relationships to be happy. We can be perfectly content on our own. It took me a while to realize this, and this movie definitely helped. And yes, being on your own does provide another insightful outlook on love. It just sucks that we need to go through these crappy relationships to get there. But hey, that’s life. Thanks for reading!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Very cool indeed. It’s also one of my favorite films of all time. And it doesn’t hurt that Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are in it. It’s a coming-of-age story for the broken-hearted. Thanks for reading!

  5. Maggie Carlise says:

    “Indeed she’s perfect, but she’s just a phase. The fact that they stumbled upon each other at this time in their lives is purely coincidental. Their relationship may not have been the best idea, but it was a journey they both needed to take.”

    I think this is such a profoundly true way to understand the people/relationships that come and go through our lives.

    Great post!

  6. Nayab says:

    Hey, good post! very optimistic and a dose of life for people like me going through the same phase you just described above.

    Cheers,
    Nayab

  7. adelmann83 says:

    OH it´s so true. Heartbreak is HELL! But being alone is a chance and sometimes the better option. I really love 500 days of sommer. one of the best pics of our generation.
    Bye the way… Greetings from vienna.
    Yours…R.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I agree! It is one of the best pics of our generation, for our generation. We live in a society where people idolize relationships. So much so that we forget the importance of one-self. I’m happy to see that others recognize this as well. Mahalo from Maui =)

  8. beasleygreen says:

    Ahh what a philisophical outlook you have, its wonderful when you can look back on heartbreak like that. I also like this movie, but ultimately its a trite slice of Hollywood that can’t resist the happy ending – Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind – now there’s honesty. But honestly, there’s nothing immature about hating your ex, sometime’s they deserve it. Sometimes in retrospect you realise that they used you as a stepping stone on the way to something else and deliberately duped you into a false sense of security. And that my friend is f***ed up and selfish… but I see your point too. The truth is that sometimes after that bitch / twat has ‘shit on your chest’ so to speak (people do actually pay for that privilege by the way – ‘literally’) and after time has done it’s healing bit, and you’ve settled into being single, you sadly end up so jaded and distrustful that you keep every other partner you get with at arms length, and never find ‘the one’ because the pain-memory makes you too scared to commit. Sad I know, but some scars just never heal properly I’m afraid.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Hollywood does love happy endings. That’s the only thing that bothered me about the film, it just had to show the beginnings of another relationship. But I liked that they cut off right there and avoided the cliche of a first/last kiss. And by the way, you have excellent taste in movies. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is in my top 10 of all time!

  9. littlecitybot says:

    haha! i love (500) days of summer, too!!! and totally agree. i love me some alone time, for sure. i’ve definitely learned to appreciate being on my own and i feel like i’ve learned a lot about myself. my boyfriend recently moved away and i have moved into an apartment by myself..originally i was super lonely but i’ve really come to be stronger, a better problem solver, among other things. i love being alone.

    that made me sound super cool..

    also, i really appreciate your honesty that you created this blog in spite of your ex!! fuck her!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Good to hear someone’s gaining their independence and happiness on their own. I’ve come to enjoy being on my own as well. It’s freeing, and opens up the possibilities in life. Thanks so much for reading!

  10. Shane Peltzer says:

    Wonderful read, thank you for posting this. It took me a couple years to finally sit down and watch 500 Days of Summer and of course when I watched it I was post-breakup myself. The movie spoke to me the way that few movies do and I also agree that loneliness is overrated. I’ve watched 1 friend bounce from relationship to relationship with very little time in-between to actually mend and reflect upon what happened and to just enjoy being single. I don’t get it, but to each their own I guess. I really should find this movie again and buy it lol.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Believe me, I should be thanking you. I never thought my words could actually speak to so many people. I was content with just my family and friends reading this. Now, to have wonderful readers such as yourself, it feels like I’m doing some good. Mahalo =)

  11. mgibbon2 says:

    That was beautiful. I have never seen that movie and yet it sits on the shelf in my living room. How sad is that?! Guess I know what I’m watching on the next rainy Saturday! 🙂 and I’m a lot like you, I heal through writing. It’s safe. A way for me to express everything. And once it’s on paper, I no longer have to stress and worry and torment myself about it. Writing is my life, my passion, my way to tell my story!!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Totally agree. Writing is the best medicine out there. As soon as I put pen on paper, I’m free. Glad to hear you’ve found solace in it as well. Oh and you simply must watch the movie! Trust me, with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel by your side, it’s the best way to spend any day. I guarantee it.

  12. reluctantwritergirl says:

    You are the cutest thing! Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear it, as I am going through my own 500 days experience. I felt like we were chatting over coffee. Keep writing! 😉

  13. Sara Katherine says:

    This is my absolute favorite movie and your post is now my favorite post I’ve read on WordPress! Thank you. Your comments do it absolute justice and it’s all so true! Amazing job and I can’t wait to read more from you in the future!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Isn’t it amazing the kind of impact movies have on us. I never understood just how much this film affected me until the other day, which inspired me to write about it. Thank you for reading this. I’ll be sure to continue writing with this newfound confidence =)

  14. L says:

    Reblogged this on Not So Skinny Genes and commented:
    I couldn’t have said it better myself, because maybe I don’t quite feel it yet. 500 Days of Summer is a fantastic movie though and I really appreciate how well AdrianVsTheWorld has connected the dots here. Have a read.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thanks so much! My intention was to tell the truth, nothing less nothing more. To know that you read it and understood what I wanted to achieve, it makes me feel like I’ve done my job right

  15. Bryony Bates says:

    This is really nice – and very true. I haven’t yet had a proper, long-term relationship (I’m only 20, so there’s time yet), and once ended up crying about this to a friend of mine. She said she was really shocked that it upset me because she’d always admired me for being independent and not needing to rely on any one person emotionally like that. It was the first time I thought being single might actually be a good thing. I’d never seen it that way because everything tells you that love is the route to happiness, but when I stopped worrying about it, I realised I didn’t actually want to go chasing after anyone. When it happens, it happens, but right now I’m happy on my own. I don’t need anyone in that way.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      It’s good to see that you value your independence. Most people rely on their significant other way too much. So when it ends, they’re essentially helpless on their own. It’s one of the many reasons why I wrote this. People need to understand that love and relationships aren’t the only paths to happiness. Just look inside yourself and it’s there. Again, I’m happy to see that you’ve found it on your own. Thanks for stopping by!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Wow, and I thought I was the only one also! Yes, unfortunately, I did start this blog out of anger. I wasn’t too proud of it at first, but sometimes we all need a harsh dose of reality before doing something truly creative. So as much as I hate my ex, I can’t completely regret it because I may never have created this blog. Much thanks for the feedback!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I know right! Not much people talk about it, but it really deserves to be praised even more than it already has. This post is just one view, an analysis of a single aspect of the film. I welcome anyone and everyone to add to the discussion, and I’d love to read it. Anyway, thanks for reading!

  16. lapuertaentornada says:

    Do you really have 148 likes and nobody has bothered to leave a message yet? Humph! – You must be thinking!
    Great post. I’ve been single for a little while now and the longer I remain single the less I want to be in a relationship. I can’t stand when people try to fix me up with potential partners because they feel it’s sad not to have one.
    Nothing wrong with being single. Let’s get over all the socially-imposed prejudices, please!
    And congrats on the FP, by the way 🙂

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Haha yeah sorry. I didn’t wake up until much later. Imagine my surprise then, to not only see the likes and comments, but also seeing it on Freshly Pressed. It’s so weird and I can hardly believe it. But thank you, each compliment is slowly making me realize the reality of it all =)

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Oh yes, it’s sweet vengeance. But I’m over all those feelings and I’m writing for the pure joy of discovery. These posts are just reflections on past feelings and unresolved issues for the sake of some reconciliation before I rightfully move on to bigger things. Thanks again for the feedback and I appreciate you stopping by!

  17. Roshni says:

    500 Days of Summer is a movie I loved. And, after reading this post, I’m dying to watch it again. I loved the thoughts on the movie…about how Summer was just a phase and the relationship a journey both of them had to take. Very brilliantly written. Certainly deserved to be Freshly Pressed. Awesome post! Loved it.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thanks so much! All this is new to me. I never thought I’d be Freshly Pressed any time soon. Safe to say I’m enjoying this as much as possible. But I have to thank readers like you, otherwise I wouldn’t be here =)

  18. hangryhippo says:

    There is so much wisdom in your words! Singledom absolutely does not have to equal loneliness, love can be so blinding that we often lose sight of who we are, and sometimes we just have to take journeys that will inevitably come to an end. Thanks for sharing your story and keep up your wonderful writing!

  19. Miss Thang says:

    Thank you for sharing your story and I find myself in the same situation you were in and I’m still trying to wriggle myself from since my husband abandoned our marriage. It’s not the end of the world but it seems to be when you’re casted in the story as the main character in the tragedy.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I’m so sorry to hear. But you’re right, it’s really not the end of the world. We’re the main characters in our own story, which means we get to decide how things end or begin again. Thanks for reading!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Relevance is exactly what I was aiming for, but perfect? Mahalo for your kindness. It means a lot to receive any comment on my writing, especially when the response is so positive. Thanks again =)

  20. mariannegv says:

    I agree with you when you state that “loneliness is underrated”. I’m also single and I’m happy of being single but strangely every time I meet someone new or meet old childhood friends I haven’t seen, they immediately ask me why I’m not married or why I don’t have a boyfriend, and for me is very strange that invariably every person ask me that question. Can’t I being single?!Of course my closest friends never ask me that question because they are also singles 😉

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I get asked that a lot as well, and the ever popular “so when are gonna get a new girlfriend?” I agree it’s been a while, but why is there so much pressure to be with someone. Is it so wrong that I’m single and I want to stay that way? At least for a long while. Anyway, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one out there who feels this way. Thanks for stopping by!

  21. artzent says:

    So, So, true. I have had 25 years of being alone as far as someone living with me. I like it so much that it would take a lightening bolt to change me. My art has grown exponentially and my family and friends are my social life.
    Not for everyone but it is for me.

  22. getbye says:

    Periods of real loneliness is quite enlightening and is as necessary as socializing if you wanna gain consciousness about ourselves and what life is.

  23. juju says:

    So glad you used that movie for this article. I felt the same way when I watched it. It’s not about losing yourself in someone, it’s about finding yourself. Great blog!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      That’s exactly right. It’s weird how movies can teach us these things, or remind us about them. This movie in particular taught me so much more about life than it did about relationships, which is why I feel like I owe a huge debt to it. I’m glad you saw the same thing in it as well. Mahalo for stopping by!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Haha I’ve been avoiding relationships as well. I’ve been in one for too long, so to finally be single after all that time, it feels great. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Thanks for reading!

  24. ~~~S Wave~~~ says:

    I LOVE this post! Needless to say you are try insightful and forgiving about our beautiful and complex human nature. But also on a person note, given that I am going through a heartbreaking split right now, this was just the kind of thing I have to remind myself of. I wasn’t crazy about the film when I first saw it…but you’ve convinced me to try it on for size again with new lenses. Blessings!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I am honored, thank you. Yeah definitely give it another try. Now, I don’t watch this film all the time. Rather I watch it every once in a while and it seems like every time I discover something new about it. And that is why I love films, because you can dissect them over time. And if you don’t like it, it’s fine. We all have different tastes, and I’m not one of those films freaks who rant on anyone who dislikes a certain film. You’re free to enjoy whatever you want =)

      • Mary Nguyen says:

        Hawaiian?! Going in January 2013 for the first time ever! Doing the touristy stuff, any recommendations?

      • adrianvstheworld says:

        Really? Wow, you’re in for a treat! So many things to do here, but it all depends on what island. I could definitely tell you what’s best to do on Maui. The other islands, I’m not too familiar with. No matter what though, you gotta check out the beach, any beach. It’s quite an experience being there. And for some cheap eats, go to ‘Da Kitchen’. Totally worth it and your stomach will thank you. If you’d like to know more, I’d be more than happy to tell you.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you so much. This is definitely a first for me and I’m very much enjoying all of this. But I’ll be sure to keep up the content and continue to entertain readers like you. Thanks again

  25. suzieblue85 says:

    500 days of summer is the film that actually caused my break-up – watching it with my then-boyfriend uncomfortably highlighted our own issues, and we only lasted a few days more. Your post actually made me cry, as I’m still on the crooked path to being a happy singleton. But it’s so good to know that I’m not alone.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      It’s true. I may be single and happy, but I don’t have everything figured out yet either. I’m still learning things along the way, all due in large part to my daughter. I found happiness on my own, but I found something worth living for in my daughter. What you say is right, we’re never truly alone. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

  26. keiththegreen says:

    Great post about something that hurts deeply. Best way to get over it, work on being a better person, and learn something new that’s on your bucket list. The bonus is on occasion your ex realizes too late, who they lost, usually right after you fins someone new and better for you.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thanks, I appreciate it. It’s my goal as a writer to tell the truth, and I’m glad it came across. Only readers can tell me if I’ve done my job right, and I thank you for doing so =)

  27. hitchhikingmuse says:

    Your post came at the perfect time for me. I’m in the process of losing my soul-mate as well and since I haven’t seen this movie, I haven’t had exposure to the happiness of that sort of loneliness. Thank you for your concise, meaningful, and ultimately beautiful post on the topic. I feel like something inside me connected to you while I was reading, which is the hallmark of a great writer. I can’t wait to read more.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It’s a pleasure to connect with readers like you, who understood what I tried to accomplish with this post. And to know that others can’t wait to read my future work, well, I guess I better start writing! Mahalo.

  28. cierva says:

    LOVE this movie, and this is a great post. Thank you for seeing the fact that Tom was at least as much to blame for how things went, even considering your own history. It takes a bit of maturity to do that. Congrats on freshly pressed!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you so much! It’s so weird seeing this post now. I never thought this would be the one to do it. I guess being mature does pay off in a way. But I gotta thank readers like you, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. Thanks again.

  29. Bleecker Street Thyme says:

    I remember very clearly that poignant loneliness left in the wake of a breakup. I had agreed to marry him, but the reality of what I wanted out of life didn’t work with what he wanted. It was a long, lonely summer that I pined for that lost companionship, but, as you s beautifully articulate, it eased into something better: me adopting the life I wanted on my own terms. Congrats for gaining such perspective, and for being Freshly Pressed. This is a great an insightful post!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you so much! It means a lot coming from fellow readers. But more importantly, thank you for sharing. I’m glad you found happiness on your own terms. It seems to be a lost cause nowadays, and to hear that you made it out alive, it’s very uplifting. Congrats to you as well, and mahalo for taking the time to read this.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you for stopping by my blog. I’m happy to have gained the attention of readers like you, who can relate to what I’ve written. It’s one thing to inform people, but it’s another to be able to connect with them. It’s what I strive for as a writer. Thank you for this.

  30. bereccaryan says:

    Great post. Like many of the other bloggers who replied to this post, and yourself, I went through similar relationship problems portrayed in the film, ending in heartbreak for me. I saw the movie two weeks after my own heartbreak, and was in so many tears (as if I hadn’t cried enough already!). Four years later, having gone through the bitter and mistrustful of anyone else phase, I grew four years older and far far wiser. I also found happiness on my own, and then found love again! I’ve watched this movie again and think it gets the feelings and the situation so right.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I have to admit, I cried as well. The film was so true and felt so real. Very few films are able to capture the ups and downs of a relationship, and this one was spot on. Even more so towards the end, which always reminds me to be a better person for myself, not for the sake of someone else. I’m glad you saw this in yourself too, and I’m happy to hear you’ve found love once more. Congrats to you and I hope things continue to stay bright for you.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you. It’s so surreal. I never thought this post would be the one to do it. I guess it doesn’t hurt to pick an awesome movie, especially one of the best movies of the past decade. Thanks again.

  31. innamazing says:

    Beautiful post Adrian (I am guessing that is what your name is). You clearly have a gift for writing. I literally read every word in your post, which is something I rarely do, I usually skim through stuff. I’m coming out of a very intense relationship; therefore thank you for giving me at least a portion of the strength I thought I never had. Swing by my blog if you have any time.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Yup, that’s my name. Thank you so much for this. It’s one thing to know that people are reading my blog, but it’s another when you receive comments such as yours. I’m very flattered to have such a positive response, even more so in regards to my writing. I can’t thank you enough. I’ll be sure to stop by and read yours as well, just as soon as I show my gratitude to everyone here.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you. It’s actually been quite fun writing about this topic, even more so in relation to the film. I felt it was relevant to today’s society because you’re right, our world is obsessed with relationships, marriage, etc. I think it’s important to value our own lives on our own terms before moving on to all that. It’s good to see that someone else has recognized this as well. Thanks for stopping by!

  32. thegirlsittingbesideyou says:

    I do appreciate your posting very much. I am struggling with loneliness myself. I am single and surrounded by people who are starting their lives with a significant other, starting families. It is hard to deal with the changing dynamic in my friendships when I feel I don’t belong. The person I should be with is undecided about how he feels and that adds to my frustration. I am trying to learn that it is ok to be alone and need to focus on being happy not feel alone.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I can definitely relate. It seems like everywhere I look, someone is getting together with someone else. That adds to the pressure, but I’ve learned to ignore it altogether because I value my independence. Don’t worry, loneliness isn’t as bad a word as people make it out to be. I’m confident that you’ll find happiness on your own, just as I did. Thank you for sharing your story.

  33. greendecorum says:

    I think the only way to find yourself is to be single. Being lonely is frustrating at times and it always feels nice to be with someone. But, if you find the silver lining and learn how to do things independently, you win! It is definitely underrated!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      What you say is true. Indeed it’s frustrating, but also quite liberating. Being on your own gives us the chance to discover ourselves, almost like we’re being born again. Good to hear you recognize this as well. Thanks for stopping by!

  34. Keisha says:

    Loneliness is very underrated. Then again, after being single for a while now, it’s kinda awesome. And not in the sense of believing that being single means I’m in denial of being lonely. I’ve discovered so much about myself and learned to appreciate being alone. I loved this movie because it was like watching myself go through the same thing again..and then realizing that it only gets better. Yay!

    Great post!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Yes, it’s very awesome. Most people think it’s an attempt to deny our own helplessness, but hey I’m happy being on my own. And I find it very comforting to know that others have discovered this about themselves too. It makes us all feel connected in some strange way. Thank you for taking the time to read what I have.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thanks so much. I can’t take full credit here. The movie is the real story. I just wanted to bring my own story in full circle and analyze the paradox going on in our society. It’s always nice to hear from other fans of the movie. Thanks for stopping by!

  35. eurekascarlet says:

    I had watched this movies, but hadn’t totally watched it very carefully. I seems to be interested through your writings and wanting to watch this again, who never knows I might find one as well.. Being in love and attached to someone whom you thought you love so much, really can crashed you into pieces. It sometimes hurt that seldomly you want to end things when he is not part of you. How I wish I could learn to find the happiness through being married, and yet 100% single.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Not to worry, happiness is for everyone. It really doesn’t matter if you’re on your own or with someone. I just felt it was important to highlight the idea of being alone, and the possibilities of discovering oneself. The trick is to not rely so much on each other. Happiness can be found within. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it!

  36. Po' Girl Shines says:

    Glad I spotted this blog since I love both actors from TV and dont’ watch many movies, I had no idea they did a film together and one that I should see since broken heart is my middle name. I am only now recovering from the recent deaths of friends and my dog and other things. I always HATED being alone with I was younger, but now that I am older, I almost prefer it. There are some lonely times, but I eat, pray and love myself! Good post and glad you are getting on with your life.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Awww I’m so sorry to hear. But I’m glad that you’re comfortable being on your own. I too have come to embrace it. I owe a huge debt to this film because not only has it taught me these things, but it also reminds me from time to time. I highly recommend this movie. When you get the chance, definitely check it out. You’d be amazed at what you’ll learn along the way. Mahalo for stopping by!

  37. philngo says:

    Very well written post. I find that it’s much better for someone to stay single and find themselves, knowing what they truly want before they go into it blindly. There’s nothing worse than having to break someone else’s heart, especially if you discover that a relationship is just something you’re not ready for. The time will come on its own for everyone, but know yourself before you try to know someone else.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you. And I agree with everything you said. We really do need some time on our own before we move on to something special like relationships. Then again, we do have to go through these crappy relationships to realize things about ourselves. A cruel paradox, but true. Thanks for stopping by!

  38. Emily Rain says:

    I agree with what you just said in your blog, though i have a boyfriend, but it’s ok. Happiness is not only measured whether there is someone in your life or not. Focus on the things that you know will make you happy…or something that will make you move forward. I love this movie, I love the way it ended and I love the way it started. The ending is the new Start. =) Thanks for the wonderful read.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      You’re right, it’s okay. Whether you’re with someone or not, it’s important to find happiness in yourself and through the things we love doing, not just in the person we love most. It’s always nice to hear from fellow fans of the movie. Thank you for reading this.

  39. Melicus G says:

    Lonliness can be your best friend if used right or your worst enemy if not. Ultimately I think it shows your true character, maybe not to the world but definitely to yourself. Check out my poem madman diaries p-two my loneliness and I, you might like it.

  40. lillianccc says:

    This is such a lovely post and so very true! People seem to hold relationships and being with someone as the holy grail of everything and think that being alone is some sort of miserable disease. But as you say, being able to find ourselves and find our happiness on our own is and should be the most important thing. Glad to see someone with such a positive outlook on this whole being alone business. 🙂

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Why thank you. It’s been a pleasure to write about this, but more importantly I felt I needed to because you’re right, people do believe that love and relationships are everything in this world. They need to realize that there’s so much more by looking inside one’s self. I find it very comforting to know that others have discovered this on their own as well. Thanks for reading!

  41. Mei says:

    I completely agree with you! One of the things I told myself during my single days was that “you have to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else”. Good message!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted to say. Single or not, it’s always important to be happy by yourself, for yourself, before sharing your life with someone else. I’m glad it came across. Mahalo for reading!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      No, thank you. As a writer, there’s no greater goal than to inspire others in the same way that I’ve been inspired. And to read comments like yours, it lets me know that I’m doing my job right. Mahalo

  42. Sarah Van Elsen says:

    I’ve never seen that movie (I probably should now!), but you definitely hit the nail on the head with your discussion. As someone who struggled at the end of my last relationship for quite awhile, I finally realized that it’s okay to be single. I discovered opportunities that I would have missed otherwise, and I found passion in music. Now, I’m loving life and can’t wait to see where I’m headed. Great post!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you. Residing in your passion and living it everyday is the best way to go about your life. Music is also one of my own. I’m happy to hear that you’ve discovered yours. Thanks for stopping by!

  43. shammee says:

    “And isn’t that how it always is when we’re in love? We believe in it so blindly that we feel we need each other in order to be truly happy ?!?”
    i really liked this quote of yours , it reminds how people let the idea of love consume them , & makes them forget -> “ONly u can make yourself happy “

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you. Always a pleasure to see new readers, but it’s even better when they’re able to recognize the truth in what I’ve written. I’m glad you enjoyed this. It makes me even more confident about my writing. Thanks for stopping by!

      • shammee says:

        Well its always good to find new writers ,& even more glad to see that a really deserving post gets featured ,
        Congrats btw …
        🙂

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Awww I’m very flattered, thank you. It means so much to know that you enjoyed it and found something of meaning. I only sought to tell the truth here, and I’m glad it was able to translate into something meaningful through your eyes. Mahalo.

  44. oludascribe says:

    I LOVE that movie. i can so relate to it. i see it as the “Annie Hall” of my generation. A romance movie with a difference. Yeah some people we fall in love with just happen to be a phase. A life lesson that is less about love and more about growth. those phases teach us something about ourselves. A catalyst to a necessary change needed.Mine certainly was.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Totally agree. Truly astounding, the things that films can teach us, all by providing a bit of commentary on our generation. Yes, it focuses on a romance, but it’s not a love story. It has more to say about life than it does on relationships. I love reading comments from fellow fans of the film. Thank you for reading.

  45. the audacious amateur blogger says:

    I have avoided real relationships like ok, the plague. AND I AGREE. Being single is FUN, it is free it is you being YOU. However, as I reach the edge of my 20’s something inside me craves more. Maybe being just “me” isn’t good enough. Maybe there is someone out there that can make a better “me”. Whatever is feeding this urge to leave the single life, I encourgage you, as someone who hasn’t enjoyed the…joys of singledom to do so with great fervor. I recently ended a serial part of my blog “Sex Hiatus: an experiment”
    (http://wp.me/P2Ceux-9N) bc today I finally got the holy grail of break ups: resolution (http://wp.me/p2Ceux-9X). If you wanna see my journey, click on the hyperlinks for how I learned what I really wanted and how to let go in order to get it.

    Have FUN out there!
    J

  46. mehtaworld says:

    Hi Adiran, wonderful post… to be honest, i relate to the movie as well as most of the things mentioned in the post. Had my first heartbreak during my college and I felt like end of the world. But then, I had my other priorities in life which made me forget what happened and concentrate on what’s stored for me in future. In retrospection, I (also one of my best friends) laugh every time on what happened (college life is always crazy!!!). Had a brief relationship after that and of course that breakup was far too less dramatic. Guess, God created me to be single 😀 ha ha
    But writing has been my companion and my blog (http://mehtaworld.wordpress.com/) is something which keeps me interested in life no matter what happens. I saw the movie few months back and liked it. Love is one thing where logic takes a backseat.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thanks for sharing. Always good to hear from others who enjoyed the movie as well. It’s so very relatable, honest, and ridiculously funny. Very hard to find movies like that. And even then it teaches us that discovering our passion and indulging it is the best way to cure a broken-heart. It’s also a way to find happiness in ourselves. I appreciate you stopping by. Mahalo.

  47. TheOriginalBURP says:

    I also loved this movie (especially the ending – sooo cute!), and I agree that being single isn’t as bad as a lot of people make it sound; I mean, it’s an opportunity to care for yourself, and learn to be happy with yourself. The only time being single really sucks in Valentine’s Day, but I mean, that’s only one day a year 😉 Great post!

  48. onestopbackpackers says:

    I was just having a conversation about whether it’s correct to say that you enjoy your loneliness, or if loneliness is just inherently negative, and something that you can’t enjoy. Maybe you can just enjoy being alone? I think that you can enjoy loneliness, and enjoy being alone, or enjoy being with someone, and that you’re correct — you need an experience like this to realize that you can enjoy all of these things! I also love this movie by the way! (And of course I’m in love with Zoey Deschanel.)

  49. Metoday says:

    Not being dependent on someone else for one’s happiness struck a chord -it is very timely for me. Something I know but I have to learn to let go. Thank you – enjoyed your article. I love 500 days… must watch it again!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thank you. I only set out to interpret the film and relate it to my situation as a way of bringing things in full circle. I just didn’t anticipate the kind of response it would get. I appreciate you stopping by!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I agree. It functions as a romcom, but it turns into a coming-of-age story, all told through the ups and downs of a messy relationship. And everyone can relate to that at some point. Mahalo for stopping by!

  50. Deepak Chhatani says:

    I haven’t watched this movie yet but will surely soon .. really well described and kinda makes sense to find happiness alone .. searching for something like writing in your case .. a really beautiful and inspirational post ..

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Thanks so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. It means a lot to know that people have found something meaningful in what I’ve written. I guess anything is possible. Thanks again

  51. Ali Morris says:

    I absolutely LOVED this post! I adore this film also and you have written about it in such an honest and insightful way. Lovely post. It is so true that we become like teenagers again. Angst is not just for the emo-16 year old, we experience it as adults also, heart-break can be overwhelming and debilitating, and yes I also agree that people can be a “phase” in our lives, creating a situation or experience we need to go through to grow and move forward in our own personal development. With any luck this change is for the better and we become a better version of ourselves. Having separated from my husband last July (and now applying for divorce :/) I can sympathise with you – I believed when I married this man that he was it (while else marry him?) and it turns out that is not the case, and it has taken a long time to deal with that, sometimes I still grieve because a great love can bring with it a great loss, but I have grown, I have changed (for the better I hope), I feel like I can take on the world again, I’m happy within myself and I have already opened my heart again. Difficult, but worth it 🙂 Thanks for the great post!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      I’m truly sorry to hear. It’s one thing to break-up with a girlfriend, but it’s completely different when you’re separating from a marriage. I can only imagine what it’s been like for you. But I’m happy to see that you’ve grown from the experience and that you’re already looking to the future. Most people remain stuck in the past, pondering a failed relationship which only causes further pain. It’s comforting to hear your story and the confidence you’ve gained on your own. I feel like we just chatted over lunch! Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading more about you in the future. Mahalo

  52. dakrizzz says:

    Ohhhh Yesssssssss!!! I completely agree with you! I think you’ve described perfectly what every single person thinks (or must think)

  53. Y says:

    Hi Adrian, I love this post. Ive watched 500 days of summer and loved it but I didn’t see it the way you presented it here in your post. And I must say that I am encouraged by your post, especially that I am also single and still recovering from a break up that happened 3 years ago. I know that sounds crazy that I’m still not over after 3 years but that’s another story. I like the “phase” that you mentioned here, perhaps, “he” is also just a “phase”…. I don’t know yet… I hope I could also come to your where you are now, single and happy and over with the ex. 🙂

    Btw, can I reblog this?

    And congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Don’t worry it took me a while to recover as well. No one heals right away, so take your time. Now, what I’ve written here is just one viewpoint. I’ve analyzed it through the eyes of Tom, since both of our situations were eerily close. The film itself can be seen through many different perspectives, which is why I love movies. There is no right or wrong, just what we interpret after each viewing. I agree that Tom could also be seen as a phase through Summer’s eyes. But that’s another post entirely and I’d love to read it. And yes, go ahead and reblog if you like. This post is out of my hands now and it’s out there for the world, which I never thought was possible. Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate it!

  54. Baby J ~ On The Go! says:

    Well written fact, alone doesn’t have to be lonely and sad. Alone time for yourself can reveal so many things. i love this movie too… and during the midst of it I was somehow like Summer, (well I think a lot can definitely relate.) And at some point I was like Tom.. However, its not impt. who you were.. what matters is how you dealt with the emotions you’ve been through and how logical you’ve acted upon it. I believe that if you find genuine happiness and contentment being on your own then you can be whole by the time you get involved again with someone; being Single is not a Status, Its a Lifestyle.

    i wish you find the next love of your life.

    • adrianvstheworld says:

      Very true. How we deal with things is far more important than what has already happened. What we do leads us to something greater, maybe even happiness. I agree wholeheartedly that being single is a lifestyle. Most people think of it as a label for all the miserable and depressed, but it’s really not. If I can be content on my own, so can others. Now, I’m not really in a rush to find someone new. There’s only one girl in my life right now, and she’s my daughter. But I thank you for the lovely sentiment. Most of all, thank you for reading my blog.

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