‘Game of Thrones’ The Long Night – A Brutal Exercise in Survival Horror

Sunday’s “The Long Night” was BY FAR the most stressful 80-minutes of television I have ever experienced. I’m going to lead with that, because, whatever complaints people may have over certain prophecies “unfulfilled,” or improper flexes of the term “Mary Sue,” or overall body count; Game of Thrones’ latest is still a breathtaking exercise in medieval survival horror. So fine-tune those TV presets (turn OFF motion smoothing/auto-motion plus AND set your sharpness to 0; you’re welcome) and let us begin. Continue reading

Game of Thrones’ First & Last Ever Bottle Episode

Tyrion saying, “let’s stay a bit longer” is a mood – perhaps the bittersweet mood that permeates each Sunday. It’s the Final Season, with 4 episodes left, and it’s the eve of what’s promised to be the biggest battle, like, ever. Meaning everyone at Winterfell is about experience their version of the Thanos Snapture, where half of them are likely to fall fighting the Night King’s army. Somehow, “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” turns this reflective doom and gloom into the show’s most compelling hour in what feels like has been a thousand leagues. 69 episodes in (ayyyy) it’s surprisingly easy to forgo the doomsday plot for a minute and cozy up to the fireplace alongside our favorite characters. I’m with Tyrion; I just wish it wasn’t time to go. Continue reading

The ‘Game of Thrones’ Deadpool (Fun)

“Winterfell” was quite the crowd-pleaser, wasn’t it? Sporting an echo-introduction harkening back to the very first episode (symmetry, man), the surviving Stark children FINALLY united, Arya laying down the tracks for a possible romance, Sansa in total command of herself and her people, Dany showing Jon how to train a dragon; all of our heroes (mostly) in one pivotal locale. It’s almost too good to be true!

You just KNOW something horrible is about to happen.

Having marathoned the past 7 seasons and getting a better read on some bits of foreshadowing, I think it’s past time to lay down some fun death predictions. Now, I’m not betting that GoT will go out Hamlet-style, but if everyone *were to bite the dust, how would they go? Again, just having fun with this because even as a book fan, I’ve never been able to predict where the show would end up post-ASOIF flow. If you’re looking to place actual bets, DM me and we’ll exchange Venmo accounts and discuss odds.

 

CERSEI – liver failure (she drinks SO MUCH)

JAIME – honor

DAENERYS – pride

JON SNOW – Ygritte’s ghost

THEON – what is dead may never die

SAMWELL – he’s a stand-in for GRRM so he’ll live 👍

TYRION – also liver failure (he drinks and knows things, remember?)

imageTORMUND – chasing Brienne

BRIENNE – running away from Tormund

EURON – a Bam Margera stunt gone wrong

THE HOUND – like a boss

ARYA – *dies* *steals death’s face* *lives*

DAVOS – hell to pay with his wife

VARYS – oh, he’s still here???

JORAH – friend zone asphyxia

SANSA – *won’t, for she is the one true queen of this writer’s heart ❤️

JOE JONAS – mysterious circumstances 😈

MELISANDRE – sheath to a certain great sword of a certain great prophecy

BRAN – will live on in the annals of meme history

 

See y’all on Sunday. Cheers! ❄️🔥🐺🐉🦑🦁🧟‍♂️⚔️👑

Let’s Talk About ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 7

When Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen meet on Dragonstone – a game-changing meeting wherein Dany bids him to bend the knee while Jon presents the game-changing news of White Walkers and an army of the dead – the King in the North implores to the Dragon Queen, “There’s no time for any of this.” It speaks to the larger reason why Season 7 pales in comparison to the show’s previous seasons. Season 7 boasts Avengers-level gatherings, where characters we never thought would meet wind up joining forces. It makes for a tremendously crowd-pleasing experience, but, upon repeat viewings, it is also a frustrating one. Continue reading

Game of Thrones: Most Brutal Moments

No other show has treated us to brutality quite like Game of Thrones. The lengths it goes to in wrenching our hearts from our being is staggering at this point. Some moments are earned, others not quite, and few – if you can believe – are damn near artful. They’re worth mentioning regardless, and worth revisiting if only to mentally prepare us for the hurt that awaits in the upcoming final season. As Ramsay Bolton once said, “if you think this has a happy ending then you haven’t been paying attention.”

Get your guard up. It’s about to get brutal. Continue reading