I didn’t realize how accustomed my daughter was to the Christmas tradition until she asked me why I hadn’t put up a Christmas tree yet.
It was already two weeks into December. They had a tree up at her mother’s place since Thanksgiving, she told me. My house was much darker, less festive in comparison.
“I’m not putting up a tree this year,” I said, and it was the first time I was saying it aloud. It was a quiet choice I was committing to this season. Like how I didn’t dress up for Halloween, or didn’t bother with a turkey on Thanksgiving.
My daughter gasped like I had stolen the gifts, the lights, and all the decorations in Whoville.
I didn’t plan on being a Grinch this Christmas. It just suited my mood— and my mood for the last stretch of 2020 (as I imagine it was for everyone else) was to get through the rest of the year and start over.
Because I needed a do-over. Badly. Continue reading